I’m not a dog lover, but my wife, Mary, is. I have to paint my nose black just to get her attention.

Soon after our kids left home for college, Mary brought home Daisy, an Italian Greyhound puppy. She became a Mom again and smothered Daisy with gratuitous gifts and affection. She should have named the dog Princess.

Unlike Mary, I kind of enjoyed our empty nest. I took over my son’s room, converted it into my den and spent hours there writing novels. Oh, life was good. But things changed after that dog arrived. It became my job to care for Daisy on evenings because Mary keeps late office hours. On our first evening together, I informed Daisy that she was essentially on her own, but I would check on her to remind her to go potty. If she needed coddling, she’d just have to wait until Mom got home. Everyone knows the first rule of animal training is assertiveness. 

I wrote an entire novel, furiously typing with one hand, while Daisy sat on my lap. She closely watched the monitor and frequently edited my work by dragging her paw across the keyboard. On one occasion, I wrote for hours and then lost everything when she deliberately hit the escape key after an argument over a Milk Bone.

Just when I thought things couldn’t get worse, Mary came home with another dog – a rescued Italian Greyhound named Dallas. She convinced me that Dallas and Daisy would become best friends and keep each other company while I went back to writing. Sensational idea.

Now it’s the three of us. I sit on the couch while Mary’s gone, because any fool knows that you can’t type with two dogs on your lap. So I sit on the couch with the dogs pressed against my sides writing on a lined tablet. I read my stuff to them and have, more than a few times, caught myself talking to them – as if they could understand me, or do something about the situation I’m crying my heart out over.

Daisy and Dallas like it when I write a dog part into my novels. They sit with their heads cocked, listening to my every word. I told them I don’t do it just for them. I do it because relationships with dogs are a good way to show character. They didn’t like hearing that of course, but I had to tell them. Everyone knows the first rule in animal training is assertiveness.

(Originally published February 4, 2004)