The Original Tin Foil Hat
Interstellar Telepathic Signaling Device
Born from cannabis creativity and the vision of one dedicated being, the original 1992 Tin Foil Hat has returned. We had to go back to our drawing board in ’93 after a certain government agency shut us down. We modified. We improved. We’re ready to finish testing. It’s back!
Our Interstellar Engineer Shows off the modified 1992 model.
The Features are endless!
We have perfected the telepathic signaling device. No more distortion. They’ll hear you for sure … and we’re talking light years friends.
The geometric pyramid is exact. We’re talking Real Pyramid Power. Take a look at our hidden laboratory photos below. The hair growth on this subject was intentional. By channeling his telepathy through the entire Tin Foil Hat pyramid technological design and interior membrane, he was able to do what some Earthlings would say is impossible.
Bald subject #252
Subject ready to begin experiment.
Telepathic channeling begins.
Success!
As if all that wouldn’t be enough to remarket this fabulous Interstellar Telepathic Signaling Device, there’s more.
If you’re worried, like most of us, about unfriendly aliens reading your mind and collecting your thoughts, then put on the Original Tin Foil Hat. Our technology works for sending messages telepathically. If you wanted to send a telepathic message to some being on Aarkon, for example, you would use the Tin Foil Hat as your conduit. On the other hand, if you needed to keep secret a conversation between your friends and neighbors; A life or death conversation that any of you can afford to have scanned by alien technology. You just simply get under your Original Tin Foil Hat for the pow-wow. Our tests have shown that by installing the Original Tin-foil Hat you can create that needed barrier between your mind and a curious probing alien. You need to be ready because you know our world can be turned upside down and stopped just as fast as you can snap your fingers. You shouldn’t call yourself a Prepper if you don’t have a few of the Original Tin Foil Hats in your shelter.
A Note to previous owners
You may have been part of the ‘92/’93 experiment. We thank you. We also apologize for any discomfort you may have had with our first production models. The Tin Foil Hat came with a large warning decal. In case the decal on your Hat has worn away, or perhaps has been damaged by fire or smoke, etc. we will reprint the warning here:
CAUTION: THE POWER OF THIS PATENTED PYRAMID DESIGN MAY INCREASE BRAIN SIZE. HEADACHES COULD BE EXPERIENCED FROM PROLONGED USE OF THIS PRODUCT.
Some of you previous owners have asked for replacement parts, or upgrades to the Original 1992 models. They are no longer available. A certain military arm, of a certain government department, confiscated everything. Use the sign-up list on this blog site to pre-order the New 2014 Improved Original Tin Foil Hat – the Interstellar telepathic Signaling Device. And Please. Don’t tell the others.
How can I get one?
Please reply to us with your email address and we’ll put you on our list. We expect that production will begin sometime in the next Earth year. We continue testing and bringing in raw materials for manufacturing from a little known planet moon some light years away. We’ll stay in touch. Be patient. This thing ain’t made in China ya’ know.
I’m loving the new photos. I really miss your sense of humor.
Sincerely,
your retarded illegitimate son
I’m not dead yet, Son. By the way, are you the kid I remember that has the webbed hands and feet?
you can put me on the list but don’t kick the bucket until it is perfected. I don’t want to be screwed over like I was in 1992
So, you’re saying that the Original Tin Foil Hat is on your bucket list? Sometimes I don’t understand you Earthlings.
Dear Rip,
Return with us now to the thrilling days of yesteryear, when from out of the past come the thundering hoof beats of …the SONSABITCHES!!! I remember it well…the elaborate plan of the gang of masked desperadoes who would lie in wait on rented horses in the underbrush, trackside, outside of Oconomowoc, to rob the passing Amtrak train; only to be foiled when the train hurled past at 70 mph with the bemused passengers asking the burning question: “Who WERE those sonsabitches?
The ill-conceived plan, no doubt, the result of that fateful night in the car wash — you and Monte and the influence of the powerful hallucinogenic that took you on that mind-shifting initial trip to Aarkon.
Few are left to tell the tale. Many years have past, but the effects have endured and are obvious. As one of the few remaining eyewitnesses to the beginnings of the saga…the days when the tin foil hat was but a notion of your warped mind, I can only council that you seek the warm embrace of your loving wife and the wisdom of your brilliant offspring. For if there is anyone in need of a warm embrace and the council of a trained psychologist and an astrophysicist, I would humbly suggest, it is you. Your artwork speaks for itself…it is clearly a cry for help.
Your dedicated erstwhile partner in crime,
Lil Beav
P.S. Put me on the list.
Who is this son-of-a-bitch?
Careful boy…you’re playing with fire!