Short Stories for the Funeral Parlor Rest Room

Marshall Cook has interrupted my meteoric rise to obscurity. He offered me a job. Marshall is the editor & chief of Extra Innings, the now famous newsletter directed toward and composed by writers, poets, screenwriters, and anybody who loves writing. Extra Innings is sponsored by UWM and is FREE.

parlorCook offered me the job after he learned of my poor health. I believe that he thinks that he’s part of the Make A Wish Foundation. I can’t disclose the amount of my compensation, but I can describe it as unbelievable.

The column is titled “Short Stories for the Funeral Parlor Rest Room“. Marshall claims to be a fan of my dark humor. We’ll see.

http://continuingstudies.wisc.edu/writing/extra-innings

Puttin on the Ritz

ritzI’m nearing the beginning of a journey to death and new life. I’m to have a bone marrow transplant in less than two weeks. They’re gonna kill off most of my blood cells and then install new healthy cells from a donor. I guess you could say that I’ll be re-born or born again.

Times have changed. You no longer need a God to bring you back to life. These days, all you need is good health insurance and a better doctor. Continue reading

Free Read

Potential Award Winning Novel

scan033cNow that I’ve been diagnosed with Cancer, I’ve decided to release my novel for your reading enjoyment, absolutely FREE. I’m not gonna be around to collect any advance or publishing royalties, and I had an argument with my wife this morning, so she’s not getting a penny either. It’s FREE.

Sure. I probably could have won the Pulitzer or some other fancy award for this baby, but those prizes should really go to younger writers who may live long enough to write another blockbuster like this. I’ve pretty much had it.

The work is titled: The Waiting Bear. It’s the heartwarming and poignant story of handicapped children who die horrible deaths by spontaneous human combustion. It has Native Americans, Cops, Detectives, Fire-fighters, wild sex scenes, and as I mentioned, the toasted kids.

So, just download it, print it, read it right here on your computer device, even take credit for it being your masterpiece. You don’t have to thank me.

Happy New Year!

HICKS

Waukesha Beauty Crowned Pageant Winner!

Cancer Center Beauty Pageant Winner Tom Hicks.

Cancer Center Beauty Pageant Winner Tom Hicks.

Patient Contestants, family members, hospital staff, and visitors became Astonished last night as a new pageant entrant was crowned, “The Beauty of The Bunch” in the annual competition.

“The contest has been going on for years,” said Fanny Solwinski, chief nurse at the Froedtert Cancer Center. “This is the first time everybody was invited to compete. Hicks put forth a successful effort to change the rules to allow men to complete in the traditionally women only event. I was. I am, still in shock. The Three judges gave him the top 30 points in every event including Song & Dance categories. That has never happened before.” She said. Continue reading

Outlaw

I had dinner with friends on a rainy night at a restaurant  downtown last week. I had been bragging to them about owning my official Handicapped Parking Permit. It wasn’t easy getting it. Among its many benefits, It’s a trophy for winning the final argument with my doctor.

handitagI said, “I’m dying for christsakes! You give me less than two years to live, and for that I can’t get a parking permit? Which one is the joke, Doctor?” Pretty compelling.

With my handicapped permit, I get the best parking spaces right near the entrance of where I’m going. When I can’t find a reserved space, I can park anywhere for as long as I want, after I hang my badge from the rear-view mirror. I don’t even need to read a sign. Continue reading

Recipe for Success

Recently, I watched David Steinberg interview a series of successful stand-up comics. They talked about their craft and how they made careers in their chosen creative art.

novel--124663657390877700One of the comedy celebrities had this to say when asked about achieving success: “First, you have to have the talent. Second, you need to work very hard perfecting your gifts, promoting yourself and be courageous. And finally you need to be lucky enough to get that big break, that opportunity to succeed.” Continue reading

Astounding Prehistoric Cave Painting Discovered

Gorges de l’ar’eche, France

An incredible new archeological find was announced this week. Another prehistoric cave painting has been discovered which authorities are guessing to be from the upper Paleolithic period, about 35,000 years ago. The painting was found in the caves known as the Chauvet Site. This is the same site which has become famous for the beautiful rock wall illustrations from the same time period.

fire

The discovered 30,000 year old rock painting – “Man Discovers Fire!”

Continue reading